In the blink of an eye…

It is often said that your children grow up so fast and before you know it they are off creating a family of their own.

I’ve never been one to lament the inevitable growing up of my child or to concern myself in grieving her not being a child anymore…. Until…

In what seems an actual blink of an eye I realize that my baby is not a “baby” anymore.  She will be turning 21 this year and formally be recognized as a legal adult in the majority of the world.  WOW.  I don’t know why or how it hasn’t hit me before, but the realization of this fact has hit me very profoundly.

I am extremely proud of the young woman my baby has grown to be and is still continuing to grow in ways that astound me daily.  I am perhaps most proud that she is a very caring, compassionate, patient, intelligent young woman that possess wisdom beyond her years.  I would be lying if I omitted the fact that I secretly smile inside every time she reminds me of lessons that my beloved husband and I had taught her so long ago and how she incorporates those lessons in making life decisions for herself or comparing how if some of her friends were only privy to those same lessons, their lives would be so much different.

As each year passes and we celebrate our respective birthdays it gets harder to not grieve those times of not so long ago when she slept right beside me, when I carefully brushed and cared for her very long hair, when we spent hours talking about our kupuna and the funny stories unique to our ohana.  Yes, it is becoming more and more difficult for me to recognize that my baby will be leaving the nest sooner rather than later for having her near to me is as essential to me as the beating of my own heart.

As a mother I can only take comfort in knowing that she is the beautiful person that she is and that she values and uses the lessons and wisdom that has been imparted on her by generations of our ohana.  That she has developed a strong and true relationship with GOD of her own doing, that was never forced on her, making it all the more special and useful to her.  That she is respectful of not only her parents, but her elders, her peers and every soul she comes in contact with.  And perhaps the greatest comfort of all is hoping that one day this beautiful woman will give to me many mo'opuna for me to spoil and share stories of how beautiful and loving a child their mama was!

Men vs Women

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man’s last romance.” 

~Oscar Wilde

Dare not to Dream

There are brief moments of time where I allow myself to yearn for the comfort of your presence.  That stolen instance to lay in quiet repose and remember so fondly the sound of my name released from your breath, your velvety clear tenor so intimate to my soul.

There are memories, ever so wondrous, so precious that I dare not describe in words for fear that I cannot pardon that one silent tear that holds back the flood.  Tides of emotions swelling and swirling just beyond the cusp of reality, intimating impressions of you too tender to recall.

There are milliseconds where I realize why grief could never come to me, not then and not now.  For I fear with all my heart that there is no recovery from the sorrow I feign to absolve while sleep evades me and emptiness consumes me. 

It is at these times where I dare to allow the smallest luxury of the remembrance of your smile.  Extraordinary glimpses where your light furnishes warmth and your strength brings courage.  Splendid occasions of comfort that are ever fleeting and impeccably surreal. 

You are the dream I dare not dream.